This week has been much better than last week. I´m still feeling kindof stressed, but I feel like that just comes with the territory, the sacrifice is far worth it for the blessings.
Yesterday I had a realization. I was thinking about all of the ways that I´ve grown and the things I´ve learned in the mission and I realized that this time has marked me far more profoundly than I even realized. I remember one time Brother Phelps telling me about how when he was realeased from his calling as a missionary, he felt an overwhelming sense that the Lord was satisfied with his efforts, and that he had completed what he was sent to do. That has been my goal ever since. Everything I do here has that hope in mind, that when I have to end my time as a missionary, I will have the assurance that the Lord is pleased with my efforts, and that I completed what I was sent here to do. I am not the "I don´t care about obedience as long as it´s not TOO bad or I don´t get caught" missionary. I am not an "As long as I´m here it doesn´t matter what I do" kind of missionary. I´m an honest and striving to be 100% obedient missionary, I am a missionary with a great desire to serve and help and build the kingdom, and I feel good about that, but I also realize that there are a lot of things I lack. There are missionaries that I see here that seem to have an undying excitement to go out and work for hours and hours, which I will admitt right now is something I have yet to achieve, and there are missionaries here whose focus is centered completely on their investigators and nothing else, also something that I can´t say I have gotten down perfectly. I have a constant insecurity hanging over my head that those things are holding me back from being/doing what the Lord sent me here for, but I also feel a sense of hope and optimism in the future and that I´m doing alright and that everything´s going to be fine. Never in my life have I felt a greater desire to repent of everything I´ve ever done wrong in my entire life, I think that comes with the Spirit, so everyone can be expecting an appology spree at some point.
Anyway, I´m out of time, so I´ll wrap this up now.
Love you!
-Jamie
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